SCHIP: Redneck Timmy's Conversation w/ The Decider

The State Children's Health Insurance Program (SCHIP).  This is Title XXI of the Social Security Act and is jointly financed by the Federal and State governments and administered by the States...SCHIP provides a capped amount of funds to States on a matching basis for Federal fiscal years (FY) 1998 through 2007. Federal payments under title XXI to States are based on State expenditures under approved plans effective on or after October 1, 1997. (emphasis mine)

SCHIP expires at the end of 2007 so Congress renewed it.  Even though SCHIP is a successful health insurance program for millions of children from working, low income families, The Decider had vowed to veto it and promptly did so.

Redneck Timmy's Dad thought The Decider was right and Timmy wrote him to tell him so.  Follow me down under for the conversation...

Before we get to Timmy's "conversation" with The Decider, here's what SCHIP does now for REAL families much like Timmy's:

Insure Kids Now!

Families who earn too much to qualify for Medicaid may be able to qualify for SCHIP.

Families that do not currently have health insurance are likely to be eligible, even if you are working. The states have different eligibility rules, but in most states, uninsured children under the age of 19, whose families earn up to $36,200 a year (for a family of four) are eligible. For little or no cost, this insurance pays for:

  1. doctor visits
  2. immunizations
  3. hospitalizations
  4. emergency room visits

Timmy's "conversation" with The Decider began when a long time family friend, pissed off at the veto and sick of this administration's hypocrisy, wrote fictional Timmy's letter to the President and sent it to me and another member of my family.  It took on a life of its own, as you will see (President's responses penned by my family member).  I thought Kossacks would appreciate the satire, irony, and hypocrisy that abounds in the "conversation."

Dear Mr. President,

My name is Timmy and I used to attend the Rumsfield Christian Charter School but it was closed because the Pastor got into some trouble. Mom and Dad say he took all the money for the school and left the country with his Negro housekeeper. Now, I have to go to a public school and some of the kids are not white.  Mom and Daddy are Republicans and they think you are great. Dad believes you are right in taking away health care for children because he will not have to take off work to take me to the doctors.

He said we could just go to the emergency room if we get sick and someone else would pay for it. Also, if we call EMS, we will not have to pay the tolls on the toll roads to get to the hospital.

My brother Bobby just left for his second tour in Iraq. Bobby told me if we really want to win, we need to bomb another country.

Daddy always says, "Stay the Course,"

Timmy.

Dear Timmy:

I'm glad there are still good loyal red-blooded American boys out there, like you and your brother. That red blood stands out better against the desert sand in Iraq.

I'm also glad to hear that your pastor was a good solid heterosexual. Don't tell anybody I said this, but just between you and me, there are way too many gays in ministry, and everywhere else.

We're working on the emergency room problem. Again don't tell anybody I said this, but again just between you and me, my rich buddies and I are getting tired of how much they cost. It's draining our yacht and private island funds. So sooner or later we're going to get them closed. Then, only real Americans with lots of money will be able to survive. And that's the way it should be. We need a stronger country, and to get there, we need to weed out all the sickly poor weaklings.

I know you will understand, because you sound like a smart boy. Work hard, don't get sick and die, and someday you will get rich enough to shake my hand. I believe in incentives for performance, so I leave you with that thrilling goal to strive for.

Sincerely yours,

The President

Dear Mr. President,

Thank you for writing to Timmy. I am Timmy’s mother Ruth Anne Trailer. Timmy Boy will not be writing you because he burned his hands. My husband Earl Ray and I took Timmy Boy to his first Klan Rally over in Choctaw County the other night and Earl was showing Timmy how to light a cross when the can of lighter fluid blew back and set Timmy’s hands on fire and burned up Timmy’s new robe I had just bought over at the Walmart in Tupelo. We called 911 and that ambulance was there as fast as the crow flies. It was a little awkward though, because James Jefferson the EMS guy is a Negro who also works part time down at my Dairy Queen. I told James Jefferson to get my boy Timmy to the hospital quick and I would give him a most generous tip with my next Double Cheese Burger at the DQ.

That EMS truck took my Timmy to the nearest hospital Emergency Room but they would not see Timmy because we did not have something called an insurance card. They told us we would have to go to the Neshoba County Hospital over in Philadelphia Mississippi. Timmy Boy was in a lot of pain when we go to the ER in our best Klan robes. Mr. President the ER was just filled with Negroes and they made us wait there with them. You would think they would care more about a white boy with burned hands than those Negroes who were pretending to be sick.

What has happened to this once Great Country?

Sincerely,

Ruth Anne Trailer.

Dear Mrs. Trailer:

I am sorry to hear about poor Timmy. My eyes just mist up when I think about that brave little boy.

However, some advice for both of you: the Klan is much too obvious, and thus not terribly effective. Timmy will do much better to work hard, get into a good school (does he have an uncle or somebody who can buy his way into one, like my Daddy did?), make good connections there, then get into business, make money and more good connections there, and finally get into politics.

That's where, if you play your cards right, you not only get to get really rich, you also get to really deal with people who are bad for business and bad for the country, while still acting decent and respectable, and like you care. For example, my brother has done some really good work on the Negro problem in Florida. If we keep them from voting, like he has, pretty soon they won't have any power left to get improvements for themselves. Then, in not too long, you won't have to deal with any more of them, as EMT's or at the Dairy Queen -- and no flames are necessary!

I'm sorry you had such an awful time at the emergency room, but if you had worked harder, you would have had that insurance card, or maybe even lots of nice money, to go to one of the good doctors who only take cash. Always remember, it's never too late -- so go out and get yourself a slice of the American dream, like I did! After all, you're white too, so why not?

Meanwhile, when I tell God what's going on tonight, I'll put in a word for Timmy.

Totally yours, The President

A special thanks to my friend and family member for their entertaining wit while highlighting the hypocrisy and cold hearted agenda of the The Decider, to whom I have a few things to say